Sara's Boudoir Experience
When I asked Sara to write about her boudoir shoot experience with me, she quickly responded with a “YES! Anything to help empower other women!”. When I first read this, it brought me to tears how much women really should get to have the same uplifting and empowering experience. Sara’s story has been one of the most memorable ones because she has shown what it’s like to finally choose yourself after many years of being self-less for her family and her career, as a nurse, and not feel beautiful. Here is her story, written by Sara herself…
I actually really hate what I look like in pictures. I haven’t changed my profile picture on Facebook in 2 years—my kids are in it of course, I was thinner then, and I happen to be wearing makeup. Why change a good thing even if it’s way outdated?
Signing up for a boudoir shoot was a crazy idea. It was meant to be a anniversary gift for my husband—he was always telling me how beautiful I am, even if I rolled my eyes every time he said it. Beautiful after working for 8 hours in scrubs? Beautiful after spending all day taking care of the kids and pets? Sweatpants, messy bun, chillin’ with no makeup on…beautiful? No. I didn’t feel it. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I felt it.
I appreciated the love and compliments, but it was hard to believe him most days. I knew he thought I was beautiful, but what was he seeing that I couldn’t see? I thought maybe a boudoir shoot would blow his mind and be something he would never expect me to do. I just kept thinking you’re doing this for him! But the doubt kept creeping in. WHAT was I thinking? Scheduling a boudoir shoot? In my underwear? In front of strangers no less?
I don’t consider myself to be a sexy woman—I don’t even know what looks sexy on me. I had never worn a garter belt and have no desire to. Those could stay with the Victoria’s Secret models. I went to my closest friends for support and they thought it was an awesome idea, but everyone said the same thing, “You’re brave.” “I could never do that…”
Oh boy I thought, maybe I shouldn’t go through with this. All of my self-doubts about the way I looked kept coming up but I tried to focus on what my husband loves about me and tried to pick outfits that highlighted these features. My legs are still pretty good and he does love my butt. I know I’m not perfect, but I know there’s no such this as perfect even with all the editing done to models and IG influencers these days. What even is real anymore?
The world makes it so easy to for us, as women, to focus on our imperfections—to focus on all of our flaws. Every day society shows us the “perfect” woman on billboards, on tv, on the internet. I wasn’t ever going to be that woman. But I sure as hell could be the best version of me for the man I loved, right?
I prepared for my boudoir shoot as much as I could, checking off all of the outfits I found in my own closet as well as a few things I found online. Hey, it did give me an excuse to buy a beautiful silk robe that I wouldn’t have allowed myself to buy normally. Nails and toes done?—check. Make a much need hair appointment to get my color done and a facial, my absolute favorite pampering splurge - check. Getting ready for this shoot was actually fun and allowed me to focus on me and pamper myself a little. I didn’t even realize how little I was doing this for myself and I think we all need some time to take care of ourselves mentally and physically so we can fill up and give back to our families and work.
Then it was here—Boudoir Shoot Day. I hesitantly walked into the studio—wearing leggings and an over-sized sweatshirt—and was immediately greeted by Michelle and her makeup artist. They were so excited to see me and I could feel their energy of what’s to come. “Ok, looks like I am in good hands”, I thought to myself. What a relief!
The nervousness quickly turned to excitement as we began the hair and makeup process. This is something that I haven’t had done since my wedding day and it reminded me of the feeling of being the center of attention. Who doesn’t like that feeling every once in a while? ;)
While I was getting my hair and makeup done, Michelle and her makeup Artist, Tiffany, were chatting with me about life, work, being a mom, all thing makeup and photography. I even made a joke about being half naked in front of a group of strangers—and they laughed saying “Oh yeah, we get that all the time!” When I looked at myself in the mirror once my hair and makeup was done I was shocked. What was this magical transformation? I mean it was definitely me, but just a little bit glammed up version of myself. My eyes looked amazing, my lips were expertly outlined and filled in and my hair! I could never achieve the soft beachy waves she gave me! I could not stop staring at the woman in the mirror—the same mirror where I had just focused on the imperfections of my face when asked about what kind of makeup I usually use just an hour before. Then it hit me. Why was I so obsessed with focusing on the negative? There was so much beauty to focus on that I wasn’t even allowing myself to notice. Why have I been so harsh on myself for all these years I wondered?!?!
The scrub-wearing-hair-pulled-back-mom finally started coming out of her shell, slowly but surely. With every guided pose Michelle mirrored for me and with every click of the camera I found myself starting to have a lot of fun! We laughed when I awkwardly tried to get into a pose and we got excited when I nailed some poses. I could hear Michelle get genuinely excited when things were locking into place and she excitedly yelled, “Yes, OMG that’s it! Don’t move!” The camera clicked faster and faster in response. It was a whirlwind of excitement with the music pumping and the clothes flying off! I couldn’t believe I was doing this and LOVING every moment!
“Look how beautiful you are,” Michelle said when she flipped the camera around to show me. We both gawked at the camera and then at each other. And I started to believe it.
I was starting to get nervous again about what the final images would look like as I began to get dressed and waited for my reveal.
As Michelle sat me down to start the slideshow my nervousness started to change into excitement, again, as each picture was revealed. “Oh wow! That’s not me,” I kept repeating.
“Yup! That IS you!” She kept saying. I didn’t focus on the flaws and imperfections that plagued my daily life or the stupid selfies I tried to take. It was so liberating to let that go. For the very first time in my life, I genuinely didn’t feel weighed down by those thoughts. Maybe it took Michelle’s perspective for me to see myself in a different light. That stunning woman in those pictures WAS me—looking completely like myself but glowing with my own beauty. The pictures weren’t even edited—they came straight from the camera onto the computer. I was speechless. This is an every day woman looking like a damn model in a magazine!! And it wasn’t even all about looking beautiful in the pictures. I FELT beautiful. I was finally allowed to FEEL my own beauty instead of forcing myself to look like someone else. This is what it must feel like to love one-self. I couldn’t believe that I was denying myself this wonderful feeling. And I knew that if I felt that way, than most women are probably feeling the same way. Why on earth are we holding back our beauty power. Yes, this is powerful stuff!
I knew that if I felt this way about myself, there was no way on earth my husband wouldn’t be surprised. I know he wants me to feel good about myself. I decided to get a photo album for him, 20 pages of my top photos that I know he’ll love, and a few extra prints that I framed and hung in my dressing area for myself. It’s a nice reminder of this extra special experience and that I shouldn’t be so damn hard on myself if I’m having a bad day. I love knowing that I can look to my own photos for real beauty, instead of looking to the glossy pages of a magazine or Instagram which we all know isn’t real. It’s an empowering feeling knowing that I can accept and celebrate my own beauty! Every woman should get to experience this!
I can’t wait for my next shoot knowing what I know now. Maybe I’ll treat myself for my 40th birthday and do a Boudoir session with an album just for myself…and maybe I’ll give my husband a few prints ;)